If I’m being completely honest, giving feedback used to be one of my least favorite parts of being a manager. In fact, when I first joined Google, I dreaded it.
I was worried about sounding like I was attacking my team or, worse, ruining a good working relationship. But as a leader, avoiding feedback is—to put it mildly—suboptimal. I realized that to help my team grow, I had to grow first.
After attending several workshops and reading everything I could find, I developed a hybrid model that combines Radical Candor, SBI (Situation, Behavior, Impact), and a concept I call Leading with Agency.
Here is the framework that turned me from a hesitant manager into a confident coach.
The Framework: RC + SBI + R
By combining these three powerhouses, you get a five-part model that keeps the conversation objective, supportive, and solution-oriented.
1. Radical Candor (The Foundation)
Before you say anything else, let the person know you are on their side. You aren’t giving feedback to tear them down; you’re doing it because you want them to succeed.
- The Goal: Establishing that you are moving in the same direction.
2. Situation (The Context)
Describe the exact moment the behavior happened. Keep it objective and factual.
- The Goal:Setting a clear stage so there’s no confusion about what you’re discussing.
3. Behavior (The Action)
Describe what they did. Use the word “you.” This was the hardest part for me! I used to avoid “you” because I felt it was an attack, but being direct is actually kinder.
- The Goal:Providing clear, data-driven observations.
4. Impact (The Result)
Share how that behavior impacted you, the team, or the project.
- The Goal: Helping them see the “why” behind the feedback.
5. Recommendation (The Agency)
This is where we move into problem-solving mode. Instead of leaving them guessing, offer a path forward. Even if they choose a different solution, you’ve opened the door to a collaborative “roll-up-your-sleeves” conversation.
The Model in Action: The “Over-Answering” Tech Lead
Imagine a Tech Lead (TL) who constantly answers every question in meetings, accidentally silencing the junior engineers they are supposed to be mentoring. Here is how I would handle that 1:1:
- RC: “I’m so happy to see how effectively you’re leading these three engineers to get our project across the finish line.”
- S: “During our product review with the Director last week…”
- B: “…you answered every question asked, even the ones specifically about the modules the junior developers built.”
- I: “Because you spoke first, those junior folks didn’t get the chance to show their expertise to the Director, which is vital for their career visibility.”
- R: “In the future, I suggest pausing to give the room a chance to answer. A trick I use is to press my tongue to the roof of my mouth and count to seven before speaking. What do you think about that approach?”
Mastering the Art of the 1:1
Moving from hesitation to confidence in your feedback doesn’t happen overnight, but having a system makes it much easier. When you lead with agency, you aren’t just pointing out problems—you’re building leaders.
Have a “sticky” situation you’d like to brainstorm? Whether you want to learn how I went from “feedback-avoidant” to a “feedback machine” or you need help prepping for a tough conversation, I’m here to help. Let’s chat.
I've spent over 25 years navigating the software engineering landscape—scaling teams, fostering well-being, and mentoring the next generation of technical leaders. After 6.5 years at Google, I built a coaching practice to help talented engineers and techies unlock their potential and build the momentum that transforms careers. I'm the coach who meets you at your pivotal moments and helps you make the most of them.